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While you may not realize it, life is a series of negotiations. Whether you’re buying a car, trying to get a raise, dealing with your family or in-laws, or being held hostage by your two-year-old daughter, who just won’t go to bed.
In today’s episode, Chris Voss shares some of the secrets to effective negotiation that will transform the way you view your interactions with other people.
A 24 year veteran of the FBI, Chris is the former lead international kidnapping negotiator for the Bureau, and is now one of the preeminent practitioners and professors of negotiating skills in the world. He is the founder and principal of The Black Swan Group, a consulting firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. Chris has taught for many business schools, including the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business, Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business, Harvard University, MIT’s Sloan School of Management, and Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management, among others. He is also the author of the book, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As if Your Life Depended on It.
Chris and I discuss how he made his way into the world of high-stakes negotiation, the biggest mistakes people make when they don’t know how to negotiate, the key phrases and tactics that can help you negotiate more effectively, and we even talk about the exact technique Chris used to get a great deal on his salsa red Toyota 4-runner.
The secret to gaining the upper hand in negotiation is giving the other side the illusion of control.”
- The most dangerous negotiation is one you don’t know you’re in
- Time is the element that is always present in negotiation
- The pronouns someone uses (I, me, my, vs. he, she, their, etc) can indicate someone’s level of power
- How mirroring—echoing the last few words of what someone says—can help you elicit information
- How to use the “late night DJ” voice to gain trust
- Why it’s a mistake to always try to get your opponent to say “yes”
- How getting your opponent to “no” can make them feel safe and protected
- How great open-ended questions trigger forced empathy
- A demonstration of understanding can often be your counter-offer
Connect With Chris Voss
- Black Swan Group
- Text FBIEMPATHY to 22828 to sign up for the free newsletter