Single and ready to mingle? Yeah, but preferably at home, in my PJs.
If this statement resonates with you, you might be an introvert.
I get a ton of emails from introverted men asking me about the best way to become better with women and dating.
And there’s a good reason for that. Most of the dating advice out there is focused on extroverts.
Here are some examples of typical dating advice that will make your hair stand on end:
“Talk to everybody that comes within five feet of you all day long.”
“Go to night clubs and high-five everybody in the venue.”
“Become an entertaining storyteller so you can be the life of the party and attract attention to you.”
What does all this advice have in common?
It drains your energy levels because it’s not aligned with the way introverts get energy.
Introverts get energy from being on their own, while extroverts get energy from interacting with people.
Most dating advice pushes introverts to behave like extroverts, but that just doesn’t work.
This is a SERIOUS problem.
Because 99% of dating advice teaches extrovert-centric behaviors, many introverts start to think there’s something inherently wrong with them.
As a consequence, they procrastinate on this crucial part of their life. Instead, they focus on their careers, hobbies and friends.
If that’s you, BE WARNED! This is a dangerous way to live your life.
Before you know it, you’ll be used to this lifestyle so much that you won’t even think about fixing it later anymore.
There’s also a big chance you’ll develop a limiting belief that success with women and love is just not meant for you.
The result? You’ll either settle for someone you’re not attracted to, or stay alone for the rest of your life.
But I have a news flash for you: THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!
There’s EVERYTHING wrong with the typical dating advice you’re reading.
Today, I’d like to share with you some of the secrets I’ve learned over the past 20 years of teaching introverted men to attract women naturally.
Are you ready?
Then buckle up, because you’re about to be blown away by their simplicity and authenticity.
Stop Reading General Dating Advice
As I already pointed out, general dating advice is focused on extroverts 99% of the time. Reading this advice only does one thing: It makes you behave like someone you’re not. You won’t feel good about it, and you risk developing a limiting belief that there’s something wrong with you. More importantly, it doesn’t take into account the unique value you can offer as an introvert.
Focus On Your Strengths as an Introvert
As an introvert, you have many strengths. You are thoughtful, a good listener and great at creating connections. Also, since you listen more that you talk, you are naturally good at being mysterious. Women love mysterious men. And if you are worried that your listening and connection skills will slam-dunk you into the friendzone, DON’T!
It’s not your listening skills or connecting skills that land you into the friendzone. It’s because of something else you’re NOT doing.
I’m going to say this again because it’s so crucial. It’s not something you do. It’s something you don’t do. It’s not the presence of something that friend zones you, it’s the ABSENCE of something.
That something is that magical, powerful, gut-level attraction feeling that women need to feel to become intimate with a man.
And in this article, I’m going to show you exactly how to create that magical emotion called attraction – all in an introvert-friendly way.
Build New Skills That Align With Your Natural Strengths
Ditch the manipulative PUA stuff, refuse the bad-boy advice, and say “NO” to attention-seeking extrovert-centric techniques. Instead, look at what you’re already strong at and then learn new skills that align closely with those strengths.
Instead of doing a 180 on your personality, learn to tweak your existing skills just a little so you turn them into babe-getting superpowers.
As you know from the previous point, you are naturally good at creating connections and listening. Keep doing that stuff. You need it to attract quality women.
Women need to feel a connection with you. But if they only feel a connection, you’ll be friendzoned. For a woman to become your lover, she needs to feel two other emotions as well:
Attraction and arousal.
So how do you build attraction and sexual chemistry in an introvert-friendly way?
Here are three ways to do it that I think are VITAL to know if you are an introvert.
1. Listen Your Way Into Attraction
Yep, you read that right! You can build attraction by listening. And that’s great news, since listening is probably one of your strong points.
Remember when I said “Leverage your existing strengths and tweak them a bit”?
That’s exactly what I mean by “Listen your way into attraction”.
The way you do it is quite simple.
When in conversation with her, you are going to do your normal listening and connecting stuff.
That will take care of the connection emotion that is needed.
While you are doing that, I want you to add something. I would like to invite you to listen with a screening purpose. In other words, I’d like you to listen with the intention of finding out if she matches your criteria.
For example, if you like women that are into healthy food and a healthy lifestyle, then at some point in the conversation just ask her, “Do you eat healthy?”
As simple as this might sound, it’s stellar in its ability to build attraction.
When you ask her screening questions, she’ll feel that you are picky. She’ll assume you have choice with women. Only men with lots of options are picky.
The fact that she’ll assume you have other women in your life will create attraction in her. It’s called pre-selection. Pre-selection is one of the most powerful attraction triggers in women. It states that women become more attracted to a man when they know other girls are attracted to him.
In order to ask good screening questions, you need to be prepared.
Here’s an exercise you can do to help you with that. Write down the answers to the following questions.
- What character traits does my ideal woman have?
- What does her typical day looks like?
- What kind of activities does she do? Sports, hobbies, etc.
- What values does she have?
I invite you to do this exercise, and in your next conversations ask questions to find out if she matches your criteria.
You’ll find that by doing this on top of your existing connection skills, you’ll trigger connection and attraction in her.
You now have two of the three emotions that she needs to fall for you, all in a natural and authentic way. You don’t have to behave like someone you’re not.
So, let’s see how you can add the third powerful emotion, called arousal.
2. Listen Your Way Into Sexual Tension
“What did you just say, Nick? I can listen my way into triggering sexual tension?”
Yes, my friend, you can!
Most men listen to women in the wrong way. They are nervously nodding when she talks and are thinking of the next thing to say or the next question to ask.
Women instantly notice this, and it kills any potential for chemistry.
But you won’t do it that way after you read the next part.
When listening to a woman, I’d like you do the following.
While she’s talking, really LISTEN to her. Instead of thinking of your next thing to say, look at her and build a picture of her based on the information she’s giving you. Once she’s done talking, maintain eye contact and think of your next thing to say.
Yes, you will keep eye contact and think of what to say AT THE SAME TIME.
This will create a natural pause in the conversation. Here’s the thing.
A pause + eye contact = sexual tension.
You see how natural this is, and how it builds on your existing listening skills? You just tweak it a bit instead of doing a 180 on your personality.
3. Touch Your Way Into A Romantic Relationship
The next natural thing that you can do that builds attraction, connection and sexual tension is to TOUCH her.
There are three kinds of touches: social touch, seductive touch and sexual touch.
Social touch is what the name says it is. It’s touching her in places that are socially acceptable. For example, giving her a kiss on the cheek or touching her lower arm when making a point. You use social touch right off the bat when meeting her. The purpose of social touching is to make her comfortable with your touch.
Seductive touch is about touching her in places where a lover or ex-boyfriend would touch her. For example, putting your hand on her waist, touching her hair, etc.
You use seductive touch once she’s comfortable with your social touch.
Sexual touch is about touching her in sexual areas. For example, touching her breasts. This is usually done later in the dating process and only once she’s comfortable with your seductive touches.
It’s critical that you learn how to use all three types of touching, and it’s even more critical to know exactly when to use them.
If you want to know more about how and when to use escalating touch, or if you want 100 more dating tips like the three you’ve just read, I’ve included a bonus package for you in my bio below. Check it out now.
What are your thoughts on dating and attracting women as an introvert? Share your feedback in the comment section below.
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Hi Kyle,
Some nice tips, I have used the hand on the waist a couple of times and I must admit it works well, sometimes that was all I needed, to get moving in the right direction.
Thanks Donovan!
Happy you liked it Donovan 🙂