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As I’ve said before, we don’t automatically become men when we reach a certain age. For the beginning of our lives, we act like children. And it’s only when we put in the work—when we are tested—does our character develop and we find our way to becoming grown men.
My guest today, John Kim, knows a thing or two making that transformation. Not only has he learned through his own life challenges, but he’s gone on to help thousands of other men navigate their journeys as well.
In this episode, John and I talk about the dangers of what John calls “exchanging truth for membership,” why you need to go on more “man dates” with your guy friends, and how to recognize negative patterns of how you show up in your relationships and career. We also discuss his new book called I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life.
Men respond, boys react.”
John Kim
John Kim is an author and licensed therapist who pioneered the online life coaching movement eight years ago, after going through a divorce which led to him to working with teens struggling with addiction in nonprofit. There he discovered a passion to create a dialogue about men after learning that the common thread was no one had a dad—we live a fatherless nation. He started a blog called The Angry Therapist and quickly built a devoted following of fans who loved the frank and authentic insights that he freely shared on social media.
He pulled the curtain back and showed himself by practicing transparency and sharing his story, something therapists are taught NOT to do. Kim became known as an unconventional therapist, seeing clients at coffee shops, on hikes, in a CrossFit box—where real life happens. He quickly built a coaching team of his own and launched a sister company called JRNI, creating a new way to help people help people and change the way we change.
We spend most of our days in distorted thinking, either dwelling on the past or obsessed about the future. We’re basically everywhere except the here and now.”
Episode Highlights
- The missteps and challenges guys face trying to become grown men
- How John’s divorce forced him to confront his own shortcomings as a man
- Reacting vs responding
- Why “man dates” are so important
- The dangers of exchanging truth for membership
- Why peeing in the shower is a sign of a bigger problem in your relationship
- Creative ways to “meditate” that don’t involve sitting still
- How to take responsibility for your life and find your purpose
- The importance of practicing self-curiosity
Resources Mentioned
Connect With John
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Great edition this week Kyle! Loved these weeks’ articles! Hate to sound conceded but I think I have been a gentleman since my college days. All I need to do now is gain more muscle mass (not an easy thing for someone who has a high metabolic rate). I’ll get there sinmce I jst joined a gym. As a minority (Hispanic), I have seen so many Mexicano men fail and I have helped many of them as I had time. I wanted to help Black men once in our city but they apparently were seeking Black men only. I really don’t care what color they are but things have improved since “the me too” movement. Boy have they changed. IU am also a member of the Knights of Columbus and see more how men can be better and more of a gent. Faith really does have a role here. Thanks! Jerry
Thanks Jerry! I’m so glad you liked the episode.