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When you go through tough times in your life—especially when you’ve been mistreated in the past, it’s easy to play the martyr. To walk around with a chip on your shoulder. Often, that becomes an unconscious excuse for not being your best self—and it keeps you from living up to your full potential as a man.
Steve Pemberton
If anyone had an excuse to be jaded by his past, it’s today’s guest, Steve Pemberton. Growing up, Steve spent years in the foster care system, where he lived with one particularly brutal and abusive family. For 11 years he was physically and verbally assaulted, starved, and constantly taught that he was nothing. Somehow, he managed to escape that situation and not only survive, but go on to graduate from a top university, and become a bestselling author, speaker, philanthropist, and senior-level executive for the likes of Monster, Walgreens Boots Alliance, and Globoforce.
Today we dive into Steve’s story—which has been chronicled in best-selling memoir A Chance in the World—and is now a major motion picture that releases next month. Steve and I talk about how to maintain resilience and hope during impossible times, the one passion Steve developed that may have saved his life, how having one or two people who believe in you can make all the difference, and much more.
I didn’t need anyone to believe in me at that point because I had already developed a belief system that I was all I had.”
Episode Highlights
- How Steve was able to survive the brutal psychological and physical abuse from his foster parents
- Why Steve found “comfort in the struggle” and refused to give up
- How reading became the long-term nourishment that helped Steve hang on
- The neighborly “angel” who saw potential in Steve when no one else cared
- The turning point when Steve was suddenly able to escape a terrible situation
- The moment that triggered Steve to begin tracking down his biological family
- How Steve’s past experiences influence his own beliefs as a parent
- Why the foster care system is an American crisis that no one is talking about
Realizing that there was…an inheritance of tragedy that I had come from was important, because now I this additional responsibility to make sure that it would not appear again.”
Resources Mentioned
- Watership Down
- Upward Bound Program
- A Chance in the World: An Orphan Boy, a Mysterious Past, and How He Found a Place Called Home
- The Blind Side
- A Chance in the World (motion picture)
- A Chance in the World Foundation
Connect with Steve
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R Hilbig says
This was a sober conversation that reminded me that there are still dark spots on our society. Poor and abusive treatment within the adoption system STILL exists and it hasn’t been eradicated as we might hope for. Steve enunciates some of his younger challenges that I remember hearing about during my earlier years.
As a retired teacher, I am still continually surprised by younger parents who are surprised by their little children’s behavior – good or not. I always pointed to the adage: SURVIVAL IS A GREAT TEACHER.
Steve’s defiance and survival are an amazing attribute of the man and he should be applauded and displayed as an ultimate survivor. I never saw WATERSHIP DOWN as such a great life guide.
Kyle Ingham says
Well said. Thanks for your perspective!
Rcik says
One of the best talks I’ve ever listened to. It made me realize that how weak I am…. always complaining & giving up on something due to minor troubles. Thank You for helping me change into a better, stronger, smarter version of myself
Kyle Ingham says
I’m so glad you found it helpful, Rcik!
Carmon says
What an inspirational story! You’ve achieved so much and made incredible strides! It’s awesome that the neighbor, the mailman, the teacher, the high school counselor and the upward bound coach were there for you to encourage you and foster your passion for learning. While I’m sure there are good foster parents out there, it’s tragic that there is so much room for abuse in the foster care system by the bad foster parents. I’ve always tried to be that encourager in the lives of those I mentored. However, I’ve just had a year where the kindness of friends as well as the kindness of strangers made such a big difference in my life and helped me hold onto life at a time I didn’t want to. It’s a lesson we could all learn to be kind to others and go out of our way to be helpful because you never know how much of a difference you can make in the world and in the lives of other people. So glad you kept on reading. Congratulations on making a difference in the world yourself now!
Kyle Ingham says
thanks so much, Carmon!