Wayne Levine: Hold Onto Your N.U.T.s

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As men, a lot of us struggle with setting boundaries when we’re in relationships. Part of that has to do with learning to communicate like adults. But often the first step is learning who we are as men.

In this episode, Wayne Levine and I talk about why it’s so important to be in touch with our own needs—but also in touch with our own masculinity—so we can express ourselves in a healthy way.

Wayne Levine

Wayne M. Levine, M.A. is the director of BetterMen Coaching in Agoura Hills, CA (est. 2001) where he coaches men to be the best men, fathers, husbands and leaders they can be. He also facilitates men’s groups, and created the BetterMen Retreats for men. Over the years, his practice has expanded to support couples, young men and families.

In addition, Wayne is the author of the best-selling Hold On to Your N.U.T.s—The Relationship Manual for Men. Since writing the book nearly 12 years ago, Wayne’s perspective is now focused more on the spiritual side of masculinity, so our discussion was pretty wide-ranging, and I think you’ll get a lot out of it.

Episode Highlights

N.U.T.s: Non-negotiable Unalterable Terms
Often, men won’t realize what their N.U.T.s are until they are compromised
Your default around relationships is what you saw you growing up
How the loss of Wayne’s father at age 9 shaped his life
How the baggage of previous generations of men can continue to “echo” in your life until you confront it
In our culture, we lack the initiation rituals that help transition boys to men
Women will have the inclination to test us, but it’s only to confirm that we can be their rock
When we feel like we have to fight for what we need, we can’t possibly be there for another person
The importance of finding the right male friends to support you beyond just superficial camaraderie