What is the definition of a gentleman? A man who’s polite and dresses well? A man who knows how to carry himself and how to behave?
Maybe all of the above.
A true gentleman is revealed not only by his manners and his outfit, but through his actions. Here are 75 things a gentleman does differently:
1. A gentleman always challenges himself to do better.
2. A gentleman keeps his mouth shut when it’s time to listen.
3. A gentleman will help you push your car when it breaks down.
A gentleman does the right thing when no one is looking.”
5. A gentleman reads about the lives of great men and takes their lessons to heart.
6. A gentleman takes a breath before speaking when he’s upset.
7. A gentleman is comfortable wearing a shiny new tux…with a cocktail in his hand.
8. A gentleman is comfortable wearing jeans and a white t-shirt…with a hammer in his hand.
A gentleman may not always agree with others, but he respects their opinions.”
10. A gentleman looks strangers in the eye and says hello.
11. A gentleman knows by touch when his steak is perfectly cooked.
12. A gentleman knows his lady’s favorite drink.
A gentleman may be overdressed, but he is never underdressed.”
14. A gentleman recognizes when he’s reached his breaking point, and then goes further.
15. A gentleman lets his significant other monopolize the remote control.
16. A gentleman listens to the advice of older, wiser men.
17. A gentleman treats waiters and bartenders with respect.
A gentleman has both a signature scent and a signature drink.”
19. A gentleman recognizes that the more he learns, the more he still doesn’t know.
20. A gentleman can gracefully tolerate his family during the holidays…for at least 72 hours.
21. A gentleman doesn’t mind sitting in the “way back” when the car is full.
22. A gentleman knows how to count back change.
A gentleman doesn’t conduct a cost/benefit analysis when deciding how to act—he does the right thing, because it’s the right thing.”
24. A gentleman opens the door for a lady…or a man, if he gets there first.
25. A gentleman knows at least a few Latin root words.
26. A gentleman votes.
27. A gentleman gives back to his community.
A gentleman knows a soft-spoken word speaks the loudest.”
29. A gentleman makes shaving a ritual.
30. A gentleman has a hobby he’s passionate about.
31. A gentleman chats up people in line at the DMV or post office to make them smile.
32. A gentleman has a team he can root for even if he doesn’t love sports.
A gentleman understands that the term consists of equal parts “gentle” and “man” and doesn’t allow one aspect to supersede the other.”
34. A gentleman flosses.
35. A gentleman knows how to mix a perfect martini.
36. A gentleman breaks in his own leather shoes rather than buying ones with fake distress.
37. A gentleman doesn’t have a cute ringtone.
38. A gentleman excuses himself to have a phone conversation.
On matters of style, a gentleman knows which rules to follow and which ones to bend (or break).”
40. A gentleman never shows up at a party empty handed.
41. A gentleman never leaves a party without thanking the host.
42. A gentleman is wicked-good at making s’mores.
43. A gentleman enjoys sleeping out under the stars.
44. A gentleman admits when he’s wrong.
A gentleman knows the right thing to do is rarely the easiest thing to do.”
46. A gentleman has real-life heroes he looks up to.
47. A gentleman is not afraid of public transportation.
48. A gentleman jots down random thoughts in a well-worn notebook.
49. A gentleman always looks for ways to improve himself.
50. A gentleman knows how to count to 10, say “please” and “thank you,” and “beer” in any country he visits.
A gentleman never puts others down in order to build himself up.”
52. A gentleman walks with purpose.
53. A gentleman skinnydips in cold lakes.
54. A gentleman takes a stance on things he believes in.
55. A gentleman can have a spirited discussion without it turning into an argument.
A gentleman knows being average is unacceptable.”
–Ryan Magin, Handsome Guy Secrets
57. A gentleman takes care of things he owns and fixes them when they break.
58. A gentleman realizes that as good as he gets at something there’s always someone better.
59. A gentleman buys a round for his friends at the bar.
60. A gentleman isn’t afraid to take a chance and ask a woman out.
A gentleman knows how to make a solid breakfast, even if he can’t ‘cook’.”
62. A gentleman cries at the end of Field of Dreams when Ray and his dad have a catch.
63. A gentleman isn’t embarrassed when his significant other drags him to chick flicks.
64. A gentleman knows the difference between rare and medium rare.
65. A gentleman is vigilant about keeping his environment tidy…along with his body hair.
A gentleman lifts up those around him, never keeps them down.”
67. A gentleman makes a mean chili.
68. A gentleman knows how to read a map.
69. A gentleman knows how to order a bottle of wine.
70. A gentlemen recognizes that little “failures” can often put him closer to big successes.
A gentleman is a man of character and not of reputation.”
72. A gentleman can be assertive without being a dick.
73. A gentleman keeps his cool even in stressful situations.
74. A gentleman is willing to take the blame, but also shares the credit.
A gentleman always leaves everyone better than he found them.”
Got something to add? Leave a comment below!
Some of these are great, others are … disappointing:
42. A gentleman is wicked-good at making s’mores.
43. A gentleman enjoys sleeping out under the stars.
53. A gentleman skinnydips in cold lakes.
67. A gentleman makes a mean chili.
Really? These seem like matters of personal preference around which two equally refined gentlemen might reasonably differ.
Douglas-Yes, of course they are a matter of personal preference. The point is that a gentleman is made up of many positive qualities, big and small. And sure, not everyone is going to agree on what those things are. Maybe you could suggest some alternatives that appeal to you? Feel free to add to the list.
No problem. One I’d add is:
* A gentleman doesn’t need to make anyone feel small in order to be big himself.
Yes. Absolutely yes. I always eat a rare steak, and it is so hard when my in-laws want to go to chain restaurants, because they microwave food (dirty secret they don’t want you to know) most of the time, and they always overcook the steak!
I would add as a sub-item under this one that a gentleman doesn’t make a big deal if his steak is overcooked and he isn’t the one who cooked it.
Always try to be gracious and eat the steak anyway. It is still animal flesh, and animal flesh is great to eat.
Good post!
Thanks Remy! Great addition. Ha, yes, completely with you on animal flesh…
Reading your comment, I had a couple that were similar, but for different areas. The principle can be applied broadly:
“A gentleman knows how to tie a self-tied bowtie, but has no problem wearing a gifted pre-tied.”
“A gentleman knows how to shave with a straight-edge razor, badger brush and fine shaving soap, but has no problem with a disposable cartridge razor and a can of Barbasol.”
I guess, it comes down to:
“A gentleman understands and can enjoy the finer things in life, but works with and appreciates what he’s given.”
or more simply:
“A gentleman is cultured, but not snobbish.”
Sam- very well put!
very nice truths !
thanks Sandeep!
These are great. I even pictured them being read by the Dos Equis guy!
Nick- Ha, yes! We’ll have him narrate the audio version. “The most interesting man in the world.”
76. A gentleman talks & walks with dignity
77. A gentleman knows when to talk and when to keep quiet.
78. A gentleman has a face decorated with smile to friends and strangers
Great additions, Ali!
A gentlemen knows that rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men
Nice! Thanks Kelly.
A gentleman knows how to keep a secret and not mention it even to the person who told him.
So true! thanks Carlos
A gentleman knows when NOT to make a joke.
A gentleman never sits down at a table until all of the ladies have sat down.
A gentleman knows to cover his cough and sneeze with his elbow or shoulder and turns his head doing so.
A gentleman always tries to look good for his lady when leaving the house. It doesn’t matter if his shirt is supporting his favorite team, sci-fi character, or making sure his tie is straight.
Thanks Jennifer!
A gentleman knows that what it takes to be a real man is down to nobody else’s principles but his own.
Completely agree–nice addition, Anthony!
A gentleman knows that being vulnerable with those he loves is strength in action, not a sign of weakness.
Good addition, Jim!
A gentleman has hands soft enough to cradle a newborn or fluff the carnation in his lapel but has hands tough enough to sock a another man who may unapologetically disrespect a lady in his presence.
A gentleman knows how tightly to bind the restraints on his lovers wrists, and how tightly to keep his lips in speaking of the act.
A gentleman knows that his every word, step, and deed are being recorded by a generation a few years younger so his behaviors become intention.
A gentleman knows a lady. A gentleman knows a woman. He also knows the difference.
Thanks Fred! Really good point about how a man has to be accountable knowing his behavior is going to be remembered by a younger generation…
Great list Kyle. My personal favorite is 64. A gentleman knows the difference between rare and medium rare. When you go to a restaurant, the cook is hopefully a gentleman as well 🙂
Thanks John!
A gentleman never drinks out of a straw.
A gentleman never says “Yay!”
Good ones, Alphonsus!
Brilliant, I especially liked:
17. A gentleman treats waiters and bartenders with respect.
27. A gentleman gives back to his community.
31. A gentleman chats up people in line at the DMV or post office to make them smile.
I definitely hold people in high regard who go out of their way to make stranger’s day.
I’m definitely going to share this.
Thanks Jose! Glad you enjoyed it! Cheers!
This list is really great. I am going to keep this list on my desk. Thanks for posting this.
Thanks Vince!
Excellent collection, my favorite might be: “55. A gentleman can have a spirited discussion without it turning into an argument.”. Too many people today love to argue without taking a single moment to realize: Perhaps there’s something I can learn from them.. Nobody likes to be wrong, but it takes a man to admit to his mistakes and do the right thing going forward.
Cheers,
Brian
Thanks Brian! Great point. Cheers!
Great post Kyle! It’s the most comprehensive and smartest list of gentlemen’s guidelines I’ve found.
Thanks Ernest!
Great post here! This is a fantastic guide and I’m very partial to #29 and #30! 74 hits home though, and every real man should be ready to take the blame when something goes wrong and share the credit when something goes right. This is not only a good characteristic of a gentleman, but a good leader as well.
A gentleman does not use the word “dick”, when describing what it means to be a gentleman.
Some great others very disappointing, especially:
A gentleman votes?
What about: A gentleman has chosen to loose the veil and see through all the lies of governments and the very few who control the masses for their own selfish and atrocious endeavours. There fore he is willing to stand up and question everything that he’s been told, taught, indoctrinated from since the day he was born.
A gentleman knows that if its not for the good of everyone then is no good at all.
Awakened, I would like to offer you an observation. Wherein there is clearly a bitter war being waged in the arena of Politics and thought, The fact that this war still rages on is testimony that neither side has won. The Gentleman does not lose heart, rather gives heart and Gallantry to his fellow man. It becomes the Gentleman to do all that is within his grasp to do regardless of victory. Right will prevail even if he does not. This sacrifice is acceptable to the Gentleman.
A gentleman is a mentor to his children.
Great addition, Bill!
Some gentlemen don’t drink at all. They watch out for friends who may have had too much.
A gentleman accepts a helping hand.
A gentleman takes accountability. He apologizes without starting with the words “I’m sorry you feel that way…” or “I’m sorry you…”
A gentleman is constantly striving for improvement.
A gentleman knows how to relate to children of any age.
A gentleman always carries a little cash.
A gentleman remembers the birthdays of his close friends and relatives.
A gentleman faces his greatest fears.
A gentleman looks at his cell phone for a brief moment and then puts it away to focus on reality.
A gentleman is aware of his shortcomings.
A gentleman is never without a back up plan.
Mark, these are all terrific additions! Thank you!
A gentleman always remember God in pray in difficult times and when he is about to make decision.
A gentleman always love.
Thanks Emmanuel!
Great post!
Unfortunately, These days guys focus on being an ” Alpha Male ” instead of a gentleman.
Thanks Adam! Very true…
A gentleman knows when enough is enough.
A gentleman knows the meaning of the word no
A gentleman understands the message behind the song “Cat and the Cradle”
Nice additions, Erick!
Tux and cocktails, seriously? Do you work at a fancy bar? Maybe an airline?
I see the singlet-wearing tattooed meatheads get all the girls they want while the suave gentlemen quietly lurk in the corner with their sub-standard Manhattans. Blame it on the modern woman’s taste but getting formally dressed up as a man only opens you for ridicule.
Our civilization isn’t the same as our forefathers. Douchebags like Mark Fuckerberg are setting the standards for today’s men, sadly. The only time I see him wearing a suit is when he has to appear for legal summons. That is the long and short of it. A true gentleman can be a douchebag as long as no one gets the hint.
I am not trying to take away from the spirit of this well-written article and the wonderful thoughts you managed to collect. But, we don’t live in a black and white world where Behavior A is good and Behavior B is bad.
Be realistic.
Wow, it’s interesting that you latched onto that one statement…when the article is really about how a gentleman is multi-dimensional, and NOT just all about wearing a tux or holding a cocktail. I really appreciate you sharing your unedited perspective, but I don’t see how this article, in any way, suggests a black and white world. You seem like a smart guy, Sayak. I suggest you try to ditch the chip on your shoulder and use your wit more constructively. You can do better than this.
Thank You Kyle for this wonderful site it really is very informative,
I wonder if the Women that go for the “singlet-wearing tattooed meatheads” as Sayak mentioned are really the Women I would want
to spend time with, Perhaps not.
Thanks Bemac! You make a great point.
Great content Kyle.
It’s a nice touch to get different perspectives from your guests on what a gentleman should be.
Here’s one I try and live up to.
A gentleman never goes back on his word.
That’s a good one!
Kyle, I salute your effort. Defining the Gentleman is oft seen as a daunting task, yet is as eloquently stated as this; the Gentleman is the servant of man. His brand and his duty is love.
What is moral may be the law but virtue (love in practice) is how he serves it.
I enjoyed each passage and I hope to see more as time goes by.
Very well put, James. Thanks so much for weighing in, and I appreciate the kind words!
Awesome post! really enjoyed it. It’s a complete guide for gentleman. You are right about every man should take blame when they do something wrong. Its obviously a good characteristic of a gentleman.
Great list 🙂
My humble contribution:
A gentleman knows at least one of captain Haddock´s “cleaner” curses, and how/when to use it in a genleman fashion.
Love it!
I love how you’ve responded to every single comment..indeed a gentleman.
I’d like to add –
‘A gentleman always treat people with kindness’
Thanks, Himanga. Great addition to the list!
I am genuinely grateful to the holder of this site who has shared thius fantastic paragraph at here.
“A gentleman enjoy every second of his life n make others happy too”
nice addition, Dinesh!
Great points. Some classics and some new age. Don’t agree with the ‘A gentleman knows by touch when his steak is perfectly cooked.’ however. In this world full of cruelty, cruelty towards animals -those who can’t speak , express or defend themselves and are killed, eaten and enjoyed like a mass produce, is very saddening. Everyone’s choice of food is different and individual. However, I have a hard time accepting a true gentleman could look other way to what we do to animals. Atleast, it can never be the hallmark of a gentleman.
Thanks Ash! I respect your point of view. (After all, real gentlemen can agree to disagree and still be civil.)
A gentleman writes timeless posts, thanks Kyle.
thanks Ineeleng!
Fantastic article Kyle!We all are gentlemen but still don’t know yet.
A gentleman knows how to wear Black Tie, but neglects to notice it when others don’t.
A gentleman leaves a place better than he found it.
A gentleman is in a supporting role to his starring lady.
A gentleman leaves his hosts glad they invited him.
A gentleman kneels when speaking with children , so they are at the same height.
I salute your effort. Defining the Gentleman is oft seen as a daunting task, yet is as eloquently stated as this; the Gentleman is the servant of man. His brand and his duty is love.
What is moral may be the law but virtue (love in practice) is how he serves it.
I enjoyed each passage and I hope to see more as time goes by.
A Gentleman should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.