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75 Things a Gentleman Does Differently

December 17, 2014 | By Kyle Ingham | May contain affiliate links (What's this?)


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What a Gentleman Does Differently

What is the definition of a gentleman? A man who’s polite and dresses well? A man who knows how to carry himself and how to behave?

Maybe all of the above.

A true gentleman is revealed not only by his manners and his outfit, but through his actions. Here are 75 things a gentleman does differently:

1. A gentleman always challenges himself to do better.

2. A gentleman keeps his mouth shut when it’s time to listen.

3. A gentleman will help you push your car when it breaks down.

Antonio Centeno Real Men Real Style

A gentleman does the right thing when no one is looking.”

–Antonio Centeno, Real Men Real Style

5. A gentleman reads about the lives of great men and takes their lessons to heart.

6. A gentleman takes a breath before speaking when he’s upset.

7. A gentleman is comfortable wearing a shiny new tux…with a cocktail in his hand.

8. A gentleman is comfortable wearing jeans and a white t-shirt…with a hammer in his hand.

Aaron Marino IamAlphaM

A gentleman may not always agree with others, but he respects their opinions.”

–Aaron Marino, IAmAlphaM

10. A gentleman looks strangers in the eye and says hello.

11. A gentleman knows by touch when his steak is perfectly cooked.

12. A gentleman knows his lady’s favorite drink.

Brock McGoff The Modest Man

A gentleman may be overdressed, but he is never underdressed.”

–Brock McGoff, The Modest Man

14. A gentleman recognizes when he’s reached his breaking point, and then goes further.

15. A gentleman lets his significant other monopolize the remote control.

16. A gentleman listens to the advice of older, wiser men.

17. A gentleman treats waiters and bartenders with respect.

Megan Collins Style Girlfriend

A gentleman has both a signature scent and a signature drink.”

–Megan Collins, Style Girlfriend

19. A gentleman recognizes that the more he learns, the more he still doesn’t know.

20. A gentleman can gracefully tolerate his family during the holidays…for at least 72 hours.

21. A gentleman doesn’t mind sitting in the “way back” when the car is full.

22. A gentleman knows how to count back change.

Brett McKay Art of Manliness

A gentleman doesn’t conduct a cost/benefit analysis when deciding how to act—he does the right thing, because it’s the right thing.”

–Brett McKay, The Art of Manliness

24. A gentleman opens the door for a lady…or a man, if he gets there first.

25. A gentleman knows at least a few Latin root words.

26. A gentleman votes.

27. A gentleman gives back to his community.

Grant Harris Image Granted

A gentleman knows a soft-spoken word speaks the loudest.”

–Grant Harris, Image Granted

29. A gentleman makes shaving a ritual.

30. A gentleman has a hobby he’s passionate about.

31. A gentleman chats up people in line at the DMV or post office to make them smile.

32. A gentleman has a team he can root for even if he doesn’t love sports.

Tanner Guzy Masculine Style

A gentleman understands that the term consists of equal parts “gentle” and “man” and doesn’t allow one aspect to supersede the other.”

–Tanner Guzy, Masculine Style

34. A gentleman flosses.

35. A gentleman knows how to mix a perfect martini.

36. A gentleman breaks in his own leather shoes rather than buying ones with fake distress.

37. A gentleman doesn’t have a cute ringtone.

38. A gentleman excuses himself to have a phone conversation.

Barron Cuadro Effortless Gent

On matters of style, a gentleman knows which rules to follow and which ones to bend (or break).”

–Barron Cuadro, Effortless Gent

40. A gentleman never shows up at a party empty handed.

41. A gentleman never leaves a party without thanking the host.

42. A gentleman is wicked-good at making s’mores.

43. A gentleman enjoys sleeping out under the stars.

44. A gentleman admits when he’s wrong.

Andrew Snavely Primer

A gentleman knows the right thing to do is rarely the easiest thing to do.”

–Andrew Snavely, Primer Magazine

46. A gentleman has real-life heroes he looks up to.

47. A gentleman is not afraid of public transportation.

48. A gentleman jots down random thoughts in a well-worn notebook.

49. A gentleman always looks for ways to improve himself.

50. A gentleman knows how to count to 10, say “please” and “thank you,” and “beer” in any country he visits.

Aaron Marino IamAlphaM

A gentleman never puts others down in order to build himself up.”

–Aaron Marino, IAmAlphaM

52. A gentleman walks with purpose.

53. A gentleman skinnydips in cold lakes.

54. A gentleman takes a stance on things he believes in.

55. A gentleman can have a spirited discussion without it turning into an argument.

Ryan Magin Handsome Guy Secrets

A gentleman knows being average is unacceptable.”

–Ryan Magin, Handsome Guy Secrets

57. A gentleman takes care of things he owns and fixes them when they break.

58. A gentleman realizes that as good as he gets at something there’s always someone better.

59. A gentleman buys a round for his friends at the bar.

60. A gentleman isn’t afraid to take a chance and ask a woman out.

Brock McGoff The Modest Man

A gentleman knows how to make a solid breakfast, even if he can’t ‘cook’.”

–Brock McGoff, The Modest Man

62. A gentleman cries at the end of Field of Dreams when Ray and his dad have a catch.

63. A gentleman isn’t embarrassed when his significant other drags him to chick flicks.

64. A gentleman knows the difference between rare and medium rare.

65. A gentleman is vigilant about keeping his environment tidy…along with his body hair.

Barron Cuadro Effortless Gent

A gentleman lifts up those around him, never keeps them down.”

–Barron Cuadro, Effortless Gent

67. A gentleman makes a mean chili.

68. A gentleman knows how to read a map.

69. A gentleman knows how to order a bottle of wine.

70. A gentlemen recognizes that little “failures” can often put him closer to big successes.

Kyle Boureston Mantelligence

A gentleman is a man of character and not of reputation.”

–Kyle Boureston, Mantelligence

72. A gentleman can be assertive without being a dick.

73. A gentleman keeps his cool even in stressful situations.

74. A gentleman is willing to take the blame, but also shares the credit.

Jordan Harbinger

A gentleman always leaves everyone better than he found them.”

–Jordan Harbinger, The Jordan Harbinger Show

Got something to add? Leave a comment below!

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About Kyle Ingham

Kyle Ingham is the Founder and Editor of The Distilled Man, an online channel that helps everyday guys become well-rounded gentlemen. Kyle is a husband, new father, blogger, podcaster, and a recovering advertising executive. For the past 7 years, he's been helping men learn the essential skills and knowledge they need to become better, more confident men. Kyle enjoys Bourbon, burritos and the occasional pirate joke. He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife and son.
 
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Comments

  1. Douglas says

    December 17, 2014 at 8:48 am

    Some of these are great, others are … disappointing:

    42. A gentleman is wicked-good at making s’mores.
    43. A gentleman enjoys sleeping out under the stars.
    53. A gentleman skinnydips in cold lakes.
    67. A gentleman makes a mean chili.

    Really? These seem like matters of personal preference around which two equally refined gentlemen might reasonably differ.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 17, 2014 at 8:54 am

      Douglas-Yes, of course they are a matter of personal preference. The point is that a gentleman is made up of many positive qualities, big and small. And sure, not everyone is going to agree on what those things are. Maybe you could suggest some alternatives that appeal to you? Feel free to add to the list.

      Reply
      • Douglas says

        December 17, 2014 at 9:08 am

        No problem. One I’d add is:
        * A gentleman doesn’t need to make anyone feel small in order to be big himself.

        Reply
  2. Remy Sheppard - Conquering Your Life says

    December 17, 2014 at 8:48 am

    A gentleman knows by touch when his steak is perfectly cooked.

    Yes. Absolutely yes. I always eat a rare steak, and it is so hard when my in-laws want to go to chain restaurants, because they microwave food (dirty secret they don’t want you to know) most of the time, and they always overcook the steak!

    I would add as a sub-item under this one that a gentleman doesn’t make a big deal if his steak is overcooked and he isn’t the one who cooked it.

    Always try to be gracious and eat the steak anyway. It is still animal flesh, and animal flesh is great to eat.

    Good post!

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 17, 2014 at 8:51 am

      Thanks Remy! Great addition. Ha, yes, completely with you on animal flesh…

      Reply
    • Sam says

      December 19, 2014 at 9:55 am

      Reading your comment, I had a couple that were similar, but for different areas. The principle can be applied broadly:
      “A gentleman knows how to tie a self-tied bowtie, but has no problem wearing a gifted pre-tied.”
      “A gentleman knows how to shave with a straight-edge razor, badger brush and fine shaving soap, but has no problem with a disposable cartridge razor and a can of Barbasol.”

      I guess, it comes down to:
      “A gentleman understands and can enjoy the finer things in life, but works with and appreciates what he’s given.”
      or more simply:
      “A gentleman is cultured, but not snobbish.”

      Reply
      • Kyle Ingham says

        December 19, 2014 at 10:28 am

        Sam- very well put!

        Reply
  3. Sandeep says

    December 17, 2014 at 9:38 am

    very nice truths !

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 17, 2014 at 9:44 am

      thanks Sandeep!

      Reply
  4. NIck Arcieri says

    December 18, 2014 at 6:10 am

    These are great. I even pictured them being read by the Dos Equis guy!

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 18, 2014 at 7:41 am

      Nick- Ha, yes! We’ll have him narrate the audio version. “The most interesting man in the world.”

      Reply
  5. Ali M.Bidarmaghz- Senior Expert on Manners, Etiqutte & Protocol says

    December 19, 2014 at 3:18 am

    76. A gentleman talks & walks with dignity
    77. A gentleman knows when to talk and when to keep quiet.
    78. A gentleman has a face decorated with smile to friends and strangers

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 19, 2014 at 7:18 am

      Great additions, Ali!

      Reply
  6. Kelly Brown says

    December 19, 2014 at 6:56 am

    A gentlemen knows that rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 19, 2014 at 7:18 am

      Nice! Thanks Kelly.

      Reply
  7. Carlos Torres says

    December 19, 2014 at 8:34 am

    A gentleman knows how to keep a secret and not mention it even to the person who told him.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 19, 2014 at 9:02 am

      So true! thanks Carlos

      Reply
  8. Jennifer says

    December 20, 2014 at 5:31 am

    A gentleman knows when NOT to make a joke.
    A gentleman never sits down at a table until all of the ladies have sat down.
    A gentleman knows to cover his cough and sneeze with his elbow or shoulder and turns his head doing so.
    A gentleman always tries to look good for his lady when leaving the house. It doesn’t matter if his shirt is supporting his favorite team, sci-fi character, or making sure his tie is straight.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 20, 2014 at 8:01 am

      Thanks Jennifer!

      Reply
  9. Anthony says

    December 20, 2014 at 11:17 am

    A gentleman knows that what it takes to be a real man is down to nobody else’s principles but his own.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 20, 2014 at 11:34 am

      Completely agree–nice addition, Anthony!

      Reply
  10. Jim says

    December 20, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    A gentleman knows that being vulnerable with those he loves is strength in action, not a sign of weakness.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 20, 2014 at 2:29 pm

      Good addition, Jim!

      Reply
  11. Fred says

    December 21, 2014 at 6:44 am

    A gentleman has hands soft enough to cradle a newborn or fluff the carnation in his lapel but has hands tough enough to sock a another man who may unapologetically disrespect a lady in his presence.

    A gentleman knows how tightly to bind the restraints on his lovers wrists, and how tightly to keep his lips in speaking of the act.

    A gentleman knows that his every word, step, and deed are being recorded by a generation a few years younger so his behaviors become intention.

    A gentleman knows a lady. A gentleman knows a woman. He also knows the difference.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 21, 2014 at 8:08 am

      Thanks Fred! Really good point about how a man has to be accountable knowing his behavior is going to be remembered by a younger generation…

      Reply
  12. John @ Manliness Kit says

    March 23, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    Great list Kyle. My personal favorite is 64. A gentleman knows the difference between rare and medium rare. When you go to a restaurant, the cook is hopefully a gentleman as well 🙂

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      March 23, 2015 at 12:53 pm

      Thanks John!

      Reply
  13. Alphonsus Jr. says

    April 15, 2015 at 10:53 pm

    A gentleman never drinks out of a straw.

    A gentleman never says “Yay!”

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      April 15, 2015 at 11:24 pm

      Good ones, Alphonsus!

      Reply
  14. Jose says

    May 1, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    Brilliant, I especially liked:
    17. A gentleman treats waiters and bartenders with respect.
    27. A gentleman gives back to his community.
    31. A gentleman chats up people in line at the DMV or post office to make them smile.

    I definitely hold people in high regard who go out of their way to make stranger’s day.
    I’m definitely going to share this.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      May 1, 2015 at 6:35 pm

      Thanks Jose! Glad you enjoyed it! Cheers!

      Reply
  15. Vince says

    May 25, 2015 at 9:58 am

    This list is really great. I am going to keep this list on my desk. Thanks for posting this.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      May 26, 2015 at 9:25 am

      Thanks Vince!

      Reply
  16. Brian Cornwell says

    June 24, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    Excellent collection, my favorite might be: “55. A gentleman can have a spirited discussion without it turning into an argument.”. Too many people today love to argue without taking a single moment to realize: Perhaps there’s something I can learn from them.. Nobody likes to be wrong, but it takes a man to admit to his mistakes and do the right thing going forward.

    Cheers,
    Brian

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      June 24, 2015 at 1:18 pm

      Thanks Brian! Great point. Cheers!

      Reply
  17. Ernest @ Best Razor for Men says

    October 1, 2015 at 5:46 am

    Great post Kyle! It’s the most comprehensive and smartest list of gentlemen’s guidelines I’ve found.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      October 1, 2015 at 7:22 am

      Thanks Ernest!

      Reply
  18. Jason @ Shavelocity.com says

    March 28, 2016 at 9:11 pm

    Great post here! This is a fantastic guide and I’m very partial to #29 and #30! 74 hits home though, and every real man should be ready to take the blame when something goes wrong and share the credit when something goes right. This is not only a good characteristic of a gentleman, but a good leader as well.

    Reply
  19. Jim Harr says

    June 3, 2016 at 5:23 am

    A gentleman does not use the word “dick”, when describing what it means to be a gentleman.

    Reply
  20. Awakened says

    June 8, 2016 at 9:54 am

    Some great others very disappointing, especially:
    A gentleman votes?
    What about: A gentleman has chosen to loose the veil and see through all the lies of governments and the very few who control the masses for their own selfish and atrocious endeavours. There fore he is willing to stand up and question everything that he’s been told, taught, indoctrinated from since the day he was born.
    A gentleman knows that if its not for the good of everyone then is no good at all.

    Reply
    • James says

      December 18, 2018 at 7:04 am

      Awakened, I would like to offer you an observation. Wherein there is clearly a bitter war being waged in the arena of Politics and thought, The fact that this war still rages on is testimony that neither side has won. The Gentleman does not lose heart, rather gives heart and Gallantry to his fellow man. It becomes the Gentleman to do all that is within his grasp to do regardless of victory. Right will prevail even if he does not. This sacrifice is acceptable to the Gentleman.

      Reply
  21. Bill says

    July 22, 2016 at 4:24 am

    A gentleman is a mentor to his children.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      July 22, 2016 at 5:48 am

      Great addition, Bill!

      Reply
  22. Mark says

    October 14, 2016 at 11:57 pm

    Some gentlemen don’t drink at all. They watch out for friends who may have had too much.
    A gentleman accepts a helping hand.
    A gentleman takes accountability. He apologizes without starting with the words “I’m sorry you feel that way…” or “I’m sorry you…”
    A gentleman is constantly striving for improvement.
    A gentleman knows how to relate to children of any age.
    A gentleman always carries a little cash.
    A gentleman remembers the birthdays of his close friends and relatives.
    A gentleman faces his greatest fears.
    A gentleman looks at his cell phone for a brief moment and then puts it away to focus on reality.
    A gentleman is aware of his shortcomings.
    A gentleman is never without a back up plan.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      October 15, 2016 at 12:48 am

      Mark, these are all terrific additions! Thank you!

      Reply
  23. Emmanuel Sesay says

    November 29, 2016 at 7:34 am

    A gentleman always remember God in pray in difficult times and when he is about to make decision.
    A gentleman always love.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      November 29, 2016 at 9:16 am

      Thanks Emmanuel!

      Reply
  24. Adam says

    December 6, 2016 at 10:54 am

    Great post!
    Unfortunately, These days guys focus on being an ” Alpha Male ” instead of a gentleman.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 6, 2016 at 11:01 am

      Thanks Adam! Very true…

      Reply
  25. Erick says

    February 19, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    A gentleman knows when enough is enough.

    A gentleman knows the meaning of the word no

    A gentleman understands the message behind the song “Cat and the Cradle”

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      February 19, 2017 at 2:53 pm

      Nice additions, Erick!

      Reply
  26. Sayak says

    June 19, 2018 at 1:28 pm

    Tux and cocktails, seriously? Do you work at a fancy bar? Maybe an airline?

    I see the singlet-wearing tattooed meatheads get all the girls they want while the suave gentlemen quietly lurk in the corner with their sub-standard Manhattans. Blame it on the modern woman’s taste but getting formally dressed up as a man only opens you for ridicule.

    Our civilization isn’t the same as our forefathers. Douchebags like Mark Fuckerberg are setting the standards for today’s men, sadly. The only time I see him wearing a suit is when he has to appear for legal summons. That is the long and short of it. A true gentleman can be a douchebag as long as no one gets the hint.

    I am not trying to take away from the spirit of this well-written article and the wonderful thoughts you managed to collect. But, we don’t live in a black and white world where Behavior A is good and Behavior B is bad.

    Be realistic.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      June 19, 2018 at 3:51 pm

      Wow, it’s interesting that you latched onto that one statement…when the article is really about how a gentleman is multi-dimensional, and NOT just all about wearing a tux or holding a cocktail. I really appreciate you sharing your unedited perspective, but I don’t see how this article, in any way, suggests a black and white world. You seem like a smart guy, Sayak. I suggest you try to ditch the chip on your shoulder and use your wit more constructively. You can do better than this.

      Reply
  27. Bemac says

    June 22, 2018 at 1:29 am

    Thank You Kyle for this wonderful site it really is very informative,
    I wonder if the Women that go for the “singlet-wearing tattooed meatheads” as Sayak mentioned are really the Women I would want
    to spend time with, Perhaps not.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      June 22, 2018 at 6:51 am

      Thanks Bemac! You make a great point.

      Reply
  28. Alphagenie says

    August 27, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    Great content Kyle.
    It’s a nice touch to get different perspectives from your guests on what a gentleman should be.
    Here’s one I try and live up to.
    A gentleman never goes back on his word.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      August 27, 2018 at 7:54 pm

      That’s a good one!

      Reply
  29. James says

    December 18, 2018 at 7:14 am

    Kyle, I salute your effort. Defining the Gentleman is oft seen as a daunting task, yet is as eloquently stated as this; the Gentleman is the servant of man. His brand and his duty is love.
    What is moral may be the law but virtue (love in practice) is how he serves it.
    I enjoyed each passage and I hope to see more as time goes by.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      December 19, 2018 at 9:48 pm

      Very well put, James. Thanks so much for weighing in, and I appreciate the kind words!

      Reply
  30. Deep Questions says

    December 24, 2018 at 1:20 am

    Awesome post! really enjoyed it. It’s a complete guide for gentleman. You are right about every man should take blame when they do something wrong. Its obviously a good characteristic of a gentleman.

    Reply
  31. Totte says

    January 11, 2019 at 12:48 am

    Great list 🙂

    My humble contribution:
    A gentleman knows at least one of captain Haddock´s “cleaner” curses, and how/when to use it in a genleman fashion.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      January 11, 2019 at 2:43 pm

      Love it!

      Reply
  32. Himanga Medhi says

    February 10, 2019 at 7:02 am

    I love how you’ve responded to every single comment..indeed a gentleman.
    I’d like to add –
    ‘A gentleman always treat people with kindness’

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      February 10, 2019 at 8:13 am

      Thanks, Himanga. Great addition to the list!

      Reply
  33. highland Avenue restaurant says

    February 23, 2019 at 3:25 pm

    I am genuinely grateful to the holder of this site who has shared thius fantastic paragraph at here.

    Reply
  34. Mr Dinesh Rawat says

    March 11, 2019 at 10:46 pm

    “A gentleman enjoy every second of his life n make others happy too”

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      March 11, 2019 at 10:49 pm

      nice addition, Dinesh!

      Reply
  35. Ash says

    March 29, 2019 at 4:42 pm

    Great points. Some classics and some new age. Don’t agree with the ‘A gentleman knows by touch when his steak is perfectly cooked.’ however. In this world full of cruelty, cruelty towards animals -those who can’t speak , express or defend themselves and are killed, eaten and enjoyed like a mass produce, is very saddening. Everyone’s choice of food is different and individual. However, I have a hard time accepting a true gentleman could look other way to what we do to animals. Atleast, it can never be the hallmark of a gentleman.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      March 29, 2019 at 4:46 pm

      Thanks Ash! I respect your point of view. (After all, real gentlemen can agree to disagree and still be civil.)

      Reply
  36. Ineeleng Motlalekgosi says

    April 24, 2019 at 1:46 am

    A gentleman writes timeless posts, thanks Kyle.

    Reply
    • Kyle Ingham says

      April 24, 2019 at 12:05 pm

      thanks Ineeleng!

      Reply
  37. Duksevi sa motivima says

    May 1, 2020 at 5:49 am

    Fantastic article Kyle!We all are gentlemen but still don’t know yet.

    Reply
  38. Martin Seymour says

    September 27, 2020 at 6:18 pm

    A gentleman knows how to wear Black Tie, but neglects to notice it when others don’t.
    A gentleman leaves a place better than he found it.
    A gentleman is in a supporting role to his starring lady.
    A gentleman leaves his hosts glad they invited him.

    Reply
  39. Ivan Labelle says

    October 6, 2020 at 11:16 am

    A gentleman kneels when speaking with children , so they are at the same height.

    Reply

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