Mastering the art of small talk
Mastering the art of small talkOh that awkward moment, when you first talk to someone you don’t know.
Trying to make small talk, desperately trying to find something to get the conversation going.
Chatting one-on-one with a person you’ve just met can be as terrifying as giving a speech in front of a big crowd.
But learning basic conversation skills is essential for your ability to connect with people. And it can make all the difference for your success—both professionally and with potential friends and love interests.
In this video, I give some essential tips on how to improve your conversation skills, including:
- Why small talk is a necessary evil…but doesn’t have to be evil
- 2 fundamental ways to improve your small talk
- How the concept of “synchronizing” can help expedite building rapport
- The importance of seeing small talk as a way to find common ground
- The foolproof formula to start a conversation with anyone, anywhere
- The biggest mistake most people make with small talk—and the thing that gives small talk a bad rap
- How you can go beyond using open-ended questions and learn to “open up” your responses to expand conversations
- The critical importance of not missing out on “free information”
- Why we should think about people as being like novels
- The most successful way to network in professional situations
(You might have touched on this and I wasn’t paying attention.)
When you’ve started interacting and you’re starting to relax, don’t get too relaxed. For example, never quote verbatim (or even indirectly, come to think of it) people you hate — to show you’re not one of them, that you’ve devoted your life to not being one of them — which will backfire, because the person you’re talking to is likely not paying attention and gets the impression you are indeed one of them.
(I’m sure there are concision lessons I could take.)
Good point, Frank! thanks for sharing.
Heading out to a After-work professional/casual gathering where people get to try out Whiskeys and bourbons and meet new people. I’m not bad with the open ended questions but will focus on the Free information and body language. My biggest challenge is even opening a group of people that are already having a good time and mentally I feel like an outsider even though these people are probably meeting each other for the first time.
Wish me luck 🙂
Andy
Hey Andy–I know what you mean. Sometimes it’s hard to get out of your own head. But I’m sure as soon as the bourbon and the conversations start rolling, you’ll forget all the mental butterflies. Knock ’em dead!
Something that has worked extremely well for me is in the offer a comment and follow up with a question. In particular, I normally give a genuine compliment to the new person that I am meeting and then ask the follow up question (i.e.- “That is a great looking shirt that you are wearing, where did you get that from?). The person that I am meeting is flattered that I noticed that they have good taste and will heartily share the store where they had purchased the shirt from, thereby validating their purchase decision and subtly making them feel good about themselves.
Definitely a great approach. Thanks Bob!